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Jump to Notes for Chapter One...Chapter Two...Chapter Three...Chapter Four
ANNOTATIONS
Prologue - And Now, The News.
“Chandler and Monica Bing”
Chandler and Monica are two of the characters on FRIENDS.
“Beaver Creek”
From the Canadian program MADE IN CANADA, ‘Beaver Creek’ is a period drama show-within-a-show.
“I went to that rally last week for Women's rights in Qumar, remember?”
Qumar is a middle eastern country infamous for it’s poor treatment of women on THE WEST WING.
“...Mon, you were the caterer.”
Monica works as a chef, apparently moonlighting as a caterer on occasion.
“Where’s Phoebe, anyway?”
Another character on FRIENDS.
“...busy with that new beau of hers, that ‘Vincent’ guy.
...shy, lives in a basement apartment or something. Doesn’t like her ‘smelly cat’ song...”
‘Vincent’ is likely the character of the same name from BEAUTY AND THE BEAST, a feline man-beast who resides in a vast network of tunnels and caverns beneath New York City. Phoebe, a self-styled singer, wrote the song ‘smelly cat’, which the anthropomorphic Vincent would understandably disapprove of.
“...and sources close to Mister Sanders report that things between him and former model Carrie Spencer are REALLY heating up. And hey, after all that poor girl’s had to put up with, doesn’t she deserve a little happy time?”
Mister Sanders is Larry of THE LARRY SANDERS SHOW. Carrie Spencer was one of the MODELS INC. girls, and was treated quite horrendously during it’s run, torture and kidnapping being among the high points.
“And finally, last night’s benefit concert in Angel City...”
Angel City is the setting for the super-heroic BLACK SCORPION.
“...raising money for victims of R.D.7...”
R.D.7 was a manmade disease that got out of control on the British series THE ESCAPE OF RD7.
“Performers included legend Dan Partridge...”
The youngest member of the well-known PARTRIDGE FAMILY.
“... country music sweetheart Daisy Duke...”
Sexy cousin to Bo and Luke, the notorious DUKES OF HAZARD. Since last seen, Daisy has apparently made a name for herself in country music.
“... and hard-rocking hero Johnny Bukowski, who put on a typically electrifying show.”
Johnny Bukowski, aka Johnny B, was a guitar playing rebel who possessed powerful electrical abilities and superhuman speed, and was one of the MISFITS OF SCIENCE.
“That’s it for showbiz news, I’m Six LeMeure.”
Six was the motormouthed best friend of the ever-preachy BLOSSOM.
“Passing you back now to CNN headquarters, and Bailey Quarters.”
Bailey Quarters was a budding radio newshound on WKRP IN CINCINNATI. She has since hit the big time at CNN.
“...the older man seated at her right. “...And I’m Matt Cassiday”“
Matt Cassiday was a television reporter at a local station in GOODNIGHT BEANTOWN.
“A funeral was held today at Arlington National Cemetery for General Robert Hogan, who passed away this Thursday...”
Robert Hogan was the wily leader of a group of Allied POW’s in HOGAN’S HEROES, although he was only a Colonel at that time.
“...staging several spectacular underground resistance missions from within his prison confines.”
Being a prisoner was barely an incovenience for Hogan and his men, who routinely broke out of (and back in to) the prison camp to perform secret missions.
“...the now famous Stalag 13 “
Stalag 13 was the prison camp Hogan and his men were ostensibly being held at.
“fellow prisoner Peter Newkirk”
Newkirk was one of Hogan’s Heroes.
“Hogan is rumoured to have played a key strategic role in 1984's ‘Operation Victory’...”
While uncertain, Operation Victory likely refers to the epic events of V.
“Retired Army Captain James Kinchloe...”
Kinchloe, likewise, was another of the Heroes.
“President Jed Bartlet, and current joint chiefs chairman Percy Fitzwallace”
Jed Bartlet and Percy Fitzwallace are established characters from THE WEST WING.
“Also present were former President McKenna...”
McKenna was President in the miniseries WORLD WAR III.
“... and former British PM James Hacker”
James Hacker was first seen in a lesser post in the long running BBC comedy YES MINISTER. He later was bumped up, and the show changed to YES PRIME MINISTER.
“...assassination attempt on Congresswoman Smart of Washington”
Congresswoman Smart is ‘99', from the spy spoof GET SMART. She was established as a congresswoman in the regrettable revamp of the series in 1995.
“The Congresswoman had been receiving death threats for weeks now, as a result, apparently, of some very public anti-Taelon comments she has made recently.”
The Taelons are the extremely powerful and supposedly benevolent aliens who have infiltrated human culture and government in EARTH: FINAL CONFLICT. Many humans believe these ‘companions’ to be genuinely friendly, thus their displeasure with Mrs. Smarts comments.
“...the congresswoman’s husband Maxwell ...”
Maxwell Smart is, of course, the bumbling but somehow effective star of GET SMART, also known by his agent number of 86.
“...an as-yet unnamed photographer who, by some strange piece of luck,”
This was likely Chance Harper, the photojournalist of the series STRANGE LUCK, who always seems to be in the wrong place at the right time.
“The assassin seems to have been posing as a photographer himself...”
Intelligence on the assassin is being withheld at this time for official reasons.
“...the Washington CSI team”
CSI, or crime scene investigations, is a unit that provides deep forensic examination for investigative purpose. Though the established teams thus far are stationed in Las Vegas and Miami, it looks like they’re branching out.
“Mrs.Smart wrote a wonderful book of memoirs on her whole government career a few years back.”
99's book, OUT OF CONTROL, was seen in the tv-movie GET SMART, AGAIN.
“NASA director Kelly Wood...”
Kelly Wood was a female astronaut who appeared on several episodes of THE SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN.
“...opening date for the international space station, now being officially called Unity Station”
Unity Station is the official name of the space station in SPACE ISLAND ONE.
“...popular television pitchman Gordon Shumway...”
Gordon Shumway is the real name of a gregarious Alien Life Form, better known by the acronym ALF. He currently makes a decent living selling long distance carriers.
“...newly reformed youth organization C.A.P.E.R...”
This refers to the 70's youth oriented adventure show THE KIDS FROM CAPER, about a group of kids who battled crime in their own way. CAPER stands for Civilian Authority for the Protection of Everyone, Regardless.
“Kate Gatling, daughter of Senator Gene Gatling”
Gene Gatling was originally seen as the somewhat addled Governor on BENSON. Kate is his daughter.
“a DXS report”
DXS, the Department of External Services, is the secretive government organization that once employed MacGYVER.
“What was Mother playing at now..?”
Mother was the wheelchair bound spymaster in THE AVENGERS.
More on Shirley, Maxwell, Tara, Collins, Welles and Smith at a later date.
“Beamish stood patiently and alertly ...”
Beamish was a secret agent from the tv-movie GET SMART AGAIN.
“...after the USIA was merged with the bureau”
The USIA, or United States Intelligence Agency, was the department Beamish worked for in GET SMART AGAIN.
“he hadn’t the slightest clue what the ‘X-Files’ were”
X-FILES is, of course, the extremely popular show about an FBI investigation into unusual phenomenon and the supernatural.
“And Director Collins had just that very thing, pinned to his lapel”
I can’t tell you about that.
“Some rumours even had him pegged as a Visitor, and that that was why he kept his office so dark”
Visitors were what the light sensitive aliens from V called themselves.
“currently flashing an image of several humanoid creatures, asexual in appearance...”
These might be the Taelons, from EARTH FINAL CONFLICT.
“Have you met Sydney Bloom?”
Sydney Bloom was the harried heroine of V.R. 5.
“Ah yes, Miss Bloom...from the old Committee, am I right? Curious bunch, that.”
Curious is a mild way to describe the endlessly baffling, uber-secret ‘committee’, who pulled Sydney’s strings on V.R.5.
“And Colonel Briggs, it’s always good to see you,”
Colonel Briggs is the former Major Garland Briggs from TWIN PEAKS.
“...Robert and Shelley are expecting their second any day now”
Robert, better known as bobby to his friends, was Briggs’ son on TWIN PEAKS, and Shelley Johnson was his girlfriend. They never had children on the show.
“What else? Our ****ing ‘companions’.”
The Taelons of EARTH FINAL CONFLICT call themselves ‘companions’.
“Teeth gritted, Bill Maxwell slammed a fist down onto the tabletop”
Bill Maxwell was an FBI agent who worked with schoolteacher Ralph Hinckley, aka THE GREATEST AMERICAN HERO.
“Took us years to clean up after the Sirians.”
Sirians are the proper name for the V aliens.
“Gua,”
The Gua are the mysterious alien invaders of FIRST WAVE.
“the Sar-Top escapees”
Sar-top, a galactic prison, had a mass breakout, and it’s prisoners fled to Earth. An alien lawman has been sent to round them up in TRACKER.
“Give me a nice, friendly Martian any day.”
“Careful what you wish for, Bill,” Collins warned, “...they’re not all as affable as dear Uncle Martin.”
‘Uncle Martin’ is the jovial title character of MY FAVOURITE MARTIAN. Other species of Martians have been encountered elsewhere, however, who are much different, and much nastier.
“she hadn’t been in Bluebook very long.”
Project Bluebook was the extraterrestrial monitoring project Major Briggs worked for on TWIN PEAKS. It seems that in the LOEH-verse, it has been merged with the X-Files.
“Emperor Ehawke and his people have already pledged their full support,”
Ehawke was an alien prince whose father was murdered by enemies. He fled to Earth for safekeeping while he mastered his considerable powers, with hopes of one day returning and reclaiming his throne. He was known by a different name, for the most part, on THE POWERS OF MATTHEW STAR.
“...my dear friend Austin James“
Austin James is the eccentric genius of PROBE.
“OSI”
The Office of Scientific Intelligence, or OSI, is the agency that employed THE SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN and THE BIONIC WOMAN.
“Frank Hefflin’s old energy-manipulating technologies”
Frank was the lab-bound tech man responsible for the fantastic devices used by ELECTRA-WOMAN AND DYNA-GIRL.
“After losing both Jupiter 2 AND the Farscape module”
Jupiter 2, a spacecraft with the bold Robinson family aboard, was LOST IN SPACE on October 16th 1997. Astronaut John Crichton and his FARSCAPE module disappeared into a wormhole not long after.
“The infestation in Rutherford continues to be contained. I’ve got a record here of an intercepted communique...some sort of sub-space telepathic transmission...between them and something they refer to as...I think this is right...the giant head?”
The Rutherford, Ohio aliens would be the Solomon family of 3RD ROCK FROM THE SUN. Their leader, whom they communicate with via an unknown means, is called the big giant head.
“Sounds an awful lot like Orson...are we sure they’re not Orkan?”
Orson was the unseen entity from planet Ork who was contacted on a regular basis, again via unknown means, by Earthbound Orkan Mork on MORK AND MINDY.
“The youngest of the brood has grown practically a foot since landing. The Orkan aging process runs in the opposite direction.”
Orkans are born old and grow younger through their lives, evidenced when Mork and his human wife gave birth to a fully grown man.
“...small wonder his wife left him.”
Mork’s wife is Mindy McConnell, a human woman from Boulder. They married during the shows later years.
“I’ve set up a meeting with members of the Remulac Grand Council, about possible trade talks. But...it’ll probably be a pretty slow process. Took me almost six months just to get them to admit they weren’t from France...”
A small group of Remulac natives crash landed on Earth and often tried to use the France story as cover. Given their glaringly obvious cone-shaped heads, it’s doubtful they were very successful. These ‘coneheads’ appeared on skits from SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE.
“...Skinner isn’t my ‘predecessor’. I’m just warming his seat until these bogus charges get cleared up, understood?”
Skinner was the FBI director who presided over Agents Mulder and Scully, among others, on THE X-FILES. It’s unknown what charges Maxwell is referring to, but when last seen Skinner had assisted in breaking Mulder out of prison. It’s possible that act caught up with him.
“...we’ve confirmed the presence of some kind of ‘super-soldier ‘ program on the part of this faction. One of my agents, John Doggett, barely survived a recent encounter.”
The super soldiers were a recent addition to the roster of enemies possessed by the X-FILES. They were apparently created by a conspiratorial faction who worked both with and against ancient aliens who were planning to invade, though with X-Files continuity, who can be sure? John Dogget was Mulder’s replacement during the show’s final seasons.
“...my counterpart up north, one Mister Edison. He informed me that his chief of security...his sister, actually...”
These are THE EDISON TWINS, crimesolving siblings from the Canadian show of that name. Can you tell what country I’m from yet?
“...someone may have hacked into data concerning their Ultraman program. I’m wondering if there could be a connection...”
Ultraman was the secret super hero name of Andrew Clements, a Canadian teenager who received super powers on MY SECRET IDENTITY.
“Ultraman? Wasn’t that the Japanese?”
On the Japanese program ULTRAMAN, the title character is a massive, superpowerful alien from Nebula M-78 (thnks to Sam for pointing out my error here).
“Cole’s sent a group”
This might be Gordon Cole, a senior FBI director on TWIN PEAKS.
“level nine”
LEVEL NINE was a show about a special unit that battled computer crimes.
“Any sign of the New Mexico youths?”
“Nothing definite,” Sydney noted quickly, this having been an early area of interest for her upon joining Bluebook, “...a few vague accounts of ‘miraculous’ activity along the bible belt area, but nothing concrete”
These would be the kids from ROSWELL, young aliens with unusual powers, including healing (thanks to Trinirules for pointing out that the Roswell kids are from New Mexico and not Texas, as previously erroneously listed here).
“You’d think a planet as advanced as their homeworld would have discovered smiling by now.”
The ROSWELL gang of aliens seemed an especially dour bunch, rarely cracking a smile.
“...her exposure to the VR-6 software”
The VR 6 development was hinted at on V.R.5, but I honestly can’t recall if we ever saw anything of it.
“You used to be so much cheerier in your dealings with ‘little green men’.”
Little Green Men was what Maxwell called the aliens who delivered the GREATEST AMERICAN HERO supersuit.
“...that was before what happened to Holly.”
Holly Hathaway received the supersuit after Hinkley passed it on, a development planned for the proposed but unaired GREATEST AMERICAN HEROINE spinoff. It’s unknown what happened to Holly in the LOEH-verse.
“...you know King, of course?”
This is Tara King, John Steed last partner from spy series THE AVENGERS.
“I’ve heard they call him ‘Marquis’ something, but that’s it. I don’t know what rock he crawled out from under”
Probably the Marquis de Carabas, from Neil Gaiman’s BBC miniseries NEVERWHERE (which he later adapted into a novel).
“...name’s Mildred Hubble. Until about a month ago, she was a student at someplace called Weirdsister College.”
Mildred Hubble is the lead character in WORST WITCH, about young spellcasters training to use their powers. Originally set at Cackles Academy, the series changed locations when it became WEIRDSISTER COLLEGE.
“Bill, I’m surprised at you. Dear Mrs.Stevens was a godsend back in ‘76.”
From the witch reference, this is certainly Samantha Stevens, the nose-twitching star of BEWITCHED.
“..a pollack, a defrocked frickin’ nun...”
"...Mssrs. Nelson and Gerard"
These individuals will be spoken more of later. Have some fun guessing for now.
“The fellow with the curly hair here, the only name we have on him is ‘Tarot’...seems to be a stage name of some sort. Professional magician.”
Tarot is the crimefighting magician from the children’s series ACE OF WANDS.
“This one is Harriet Makepeace, detective sergeant. Apparently royalty of some kind, we’re looking into that.”
Lady Harriet Makepeace is one half of the British/American police partnership DEMPSEY AND MAKEPEACE.
“Jeff Slade, Holly Turner.”
Slade and Turner are the stars of CRIME TRAVELLER.
“I ran this list of names past Gene Bradford,”
Eugene Bradford was a wildly eccentric fellow on DAYS OF OUR LIVES, who ended up building both a robot, and a time machine.
“Temporal Investigations”
This has been mentioned as a starfleet department on STR TREK: DEEP SPACE NINE, and possibly the other Trek shows as well.
“...he swears he’s got a file on these two.”
On CRIME TRAVELLER Slade and Turner use a time machine to solve crimes.
“How terribly depressing it was to learn that any half-literate pirate with a tricked-up stopwatch can accomplish it.”
This is a reference to Phineas Bogg, a 17th century pirate who was recruited by an alien organization to police the timestream, using a watch-like device called an Omni , on VOYAGERS.
“Can you BELIEVE we’re getting back into it?” Maxwell asked angrily, “...after the mess Beckett left behind?”
Samuel Beckett experimented with time travel on QUANTUM LEAP, jumping into other people’s bodies throughout his own lifetime.
“And they’re letting the Agency handle it, for crying out loud!” Bill Maxwell took a second to take a breath, speaking again in a level, but still raging voice, “...you mark my words. When Backstep blows up in our faces...and it WILL...we’ll be cleaning up the damage for CENTURIES.”
Project:Backstep is a CIA run time travel initiative from the series SEVEN DAYS.
“It’s called ‘Akeela’, or something like that. Dates back to Roman times at least...”
It’s actually AQUILA, an ancient alien craft discovered by two young boys on the British series of the same name.
“ hear he only goes by ‘M’ these days.”
Another nod to Moore’s LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY GENTLEMEN, where the head of MI-5 refers to himself by the initial M, ala James Bond.
“You’re one to talk, Mister C.”
“That was hardly my idea, was it? I don’t even remember how that got started.”
“Some schoolteacher, from the Orkan debriefings.
The schoolteacher is none other than the Fonz, aka Arthur Fonzarelli, the greaser who became a teacher in the final years of HAPPY DAYS. The Fonz often referred to his best friend Richie Cunnigham’s father as ‘Mister C’. It was also on Happy Days that Mork from Ork made his debut appearance.
“Hinkley’s team?”
Possibly the aforementioned Ralph Hinkley of THE GREATEST AMERICAN HERO? We’ll see.
FIRST WAVE is a series about an insidious alien invasion predicted by Nostradamus.
“...leaning up against a wall beside a picture of five mismatched individuals (a stern middle aged man with a service revolver by his side; a strapping, cheery man with an aqualung slung over his shoulder; one frumpy fellow in a shabby overcoat and hat, a notepad in his hands, and a nervous look in his eye; a rather stunning but plainly dressed woman, in all outward appearance no more than a suburban housewife; and a small, slip of a girl, her face glum, and wearing the most awkwardly large hat one could imagine. A legend along the bottom of the photograph read: Philip Gerard, Michael Nelson, Karel Kolchak, Mrs.Samantha Stevens, Anna Bertrille, August 1976)”
“What about the Humanidyne girl?” Maxwell said, interrupting, “...DiNallo? She’s got the TK ability, plus training, plus experience...”
“Too high profile,” he replied, “...especially with her connection to Mister Bukowski.”
“Steve Austin, Mark Harris, Michael Knight...hell, even Andrea...”
“You know, the Foundation’s been making good noise with some of their operatives. I could make a few calls...”
“Give me one moment, Tiffany...”
“Darrien Fawkes?” He says with a smile, extending his hand in greeting, “...I’m Barnabas Collins. Have a seat.”
Barnabas Collins is the centuries old vampire from DARK SHADOWS, who often struggled with his dark urges in an effort to blend in with humanity.
HARMONY, NEW ENGLAND is the setting of the soap opera PASSIONS.
“Simon Donovan had driven all night...”
“he had been hoping for an IMF position...”
“Nothing against Tom Gage”
“...the SD-6 situation was just too troublesome to get near”
“...Prudence Halliwell. That’s your name, isn’t it? Prue for short?”
“Before he could answer, the girl flung her hand out in front of her and Simon Donovan felt his feet leave the ground, and he sailed through the air until he was slammed painfully against the hall ceiling.”
Each of the sisters had a specific magical ability all their own on CHARMED. Prue was telekinetic, able to move objects with a thought.
“They didn’t call him Agent Sunshine for nothing.”
“...the terms of your deal with the Source are still intact.”
“It was necessary,” he said simply, “...kind of a rite of passage. It was how I got this job.”
“He recalled, briefly, a little brother he had left behind, and a woman who could have been...something.”
“...saving the world, bopping with Chrysalis”
“We lose our funding, the fatman vanishes, everything’s getting ‘restructured’ and ‘reevaluated’, and now I don’t even KNOW where Hobbes and Keep and Monroe are...”
“So many operations stepping on each others toes...Control, Echo, DXS, UNCLE, your own little ‘agency’”
“...despite how impossible and unfair it may be, you have recently noticed a small but very, very distinct shade of red creeping into that tattoo on your wrist.”
“...and Claire?”
“Though I should warn you, I’ve been with the Bureau before, and it didn’t exactly stick”
“Bang! Right to the Moon!”
“...I’m Stringfellow Hawke.”
“...can’t I just take the portal? Be a lot quicker, you gotta admit...”
“...an unremarkable looking spacecraft with the name ‘Enterprise’ written in large letters on the side.”
“...a deep-space prototype that was stolen in 1975.”
“...thinking back to 1999, when he led an emergency mission to Moonbase Alpha to prevent a full-scale explosion of about sixteen thousand tons of nuclear waste. He shuddered when he thought of how close they came...a detonation could have reduced the Moon to rubble, or at the very least shifted it’s orbit drastically”
“All averted because of a man who got his newspaper a day early.”
“some girl, someone called Eve Edison.”
“Okay, he probably shouldn’t have stopped to chat up that tour guide he’d met (who didn’t seem to have the slightest clue about the layout up here herself), but she just seemed so thrilled that he’d recognized her from those bug spray commercials years back.
“Vicky,” the little girl replied, staring at Darien sullenly, “...but sometimes when I’m bad they call me Vanessa.”
“Who’s your friend, Rhoda?” He asked to the woman, who Darien now took to be ‘Rhoda’”
“I’m, uh, here to see someone called Cranston..?”
“...I’m Greg Yoyonovich. Pleasure to meet you.”
“They walked through it, having to step aside for a near-parade of several gorgeous ladies in sequined, and highly revealing, costumes. A few of them winked in Darien’s direction, and he spent a few seconds trying not to stare, before Rhoda sighed with disgust.
“...Hymie usually takes care of her, but he’s on the surface visiting a sick friend.”
“If you’re back on Luna anytime, look me up. My AIM is AF709.”
“a disembodied head covered in a mass of tangled fur.
“That’s not my name,” she corrected him, “...my name is April!”
“So...I hear you just got back from...where was it...Aquitar?”
“Darien, this is Buffy, my best friend!”
“Have you ever heard of the Machine Empire?”
“...we lost Pops to it”
“...the remains of Zedd’s Palace.”
“She’s not getting in,” Darien said, calmly putting a palm up against the airlock door, furrowing his brow in concentration. A second later, the door started fading from view, then the wall around and finally the outer chamber, until the whole area seems to have shimmered right out of existence.”
“A little to the left, please, Saffron,”
“...why don’t you put in a call to Doctor Russell,”
“Then call Ransom,”
“And get George Bailey to start working on reconstruction.”
“His transfer to Earthforce isn’t official yet,”
"She’d flipped through a copy of Blush"
“I heard there was some witch activity in Harmony,” she answered, “...a little magic here and there. Thought it might help me blend in, just in case...you know.”
“I hear Sunnydale’s good for that.”
“1313 Mockingbird Lane,” he read aloud, “...this is the spot.
French white wine, bearing a label - Chateau Picard - that Prue didn’t recognise
“Is that a hearse?”
“..is that a telephone booth?”
“... into the daunting face of the eight foot tall butler who was standing in the doorway. The man...if that was a correct description of the gaunt, stone-faced creature before them...emitted a low, tremulous moan as way of greeting”
“Lillian Munster?”
“Are you friends of Eddie’s?”
“...because I’m afraid he’s up at the Lake with Randi and their friends.”
“I’d so been looking forward to having Tommy over, now that he’s in the papers and all.”
“A doctor Jonathon Chase”
“...Spot’s getting a bit testy in his old age.”
“I’m Wednesday. I like to play with dolls.”
“Sweet Puggsley,” she said, sighing, “...he gets more handsome every year. Don’t you think?”
“I’m Sarah Tucker.”
Prue could make out a strange creature, vaguely humanoid in appearance, but covered in a mottled mass of blue fur and glaring like a lunatic down their way. It slobbered and shook in a frenzy.
“Granny Addams! Grizelda! We need more cookies...”
“You need a drink!” She said, and before Prue could respond the woman scrunched up her face and made an odd, nose-waggling expression. A second later, Prue found a full glass of wine popping into her grip.
“And I’ve just got a little something...extra, myself,” the suit said, giggling as she did so.
“...to the newest lawyer at McKenzie, Brackman, Morales and McBeal!”
“Amanda,” the other woman on the bed said, “...Amanda Tucker. Hi!”
“Morticia Addams.”
“I’m Marilyn Munster,”
Sally suddenly opened her eyes wide in surprise. “You’re with the League,” she blurted out, as if the words weren’t hers, “...you’re here to recruit someone!”
“My Mother used to tell me stories all the time!”
“I’ll never hold a man with these looks.”
“Herman Munster towered imposingly over Simon Donovan, his oversized arm draped over a smaller, withered looking man in an old-fashioned tuxedo and long, flowing cape.”
“...Liam ain’t showing again this year?”
“Think I finally got Lacroix on the ropes!”
“Just watch out for your brother,” Herman said, “...you know how he likes to count cards. “
“I remember one time me, him and Skorzeny were tearing it up in Paris...”
“I think Frightenstein’s had enough,” Grampa noted, “...keeps moaning about ‘Brucie’ like he’s in love, the poor sap.”
“Aaah, you sound like those Mansbridge quacks.”
“I remember seein’ him and Gomez yakkin’ a few hours ago,”
“I think Elvira’s gonna slap him in a minute,”
“I wanna see the looks on those Brujah clowns faces when I take all their money!”
“Hideous, shambling monstrosities with octopoid limbs, they gave Simon chills. But they seemed quite content where they were, playing with a pair of giant alligators, so he opted to ignore them.”
“One was a stout fellow with a ridiculous looking grin on his face. The other was a dazzling blonde in some sort of belly-dancers outfit. They were casting sparkles of light at one another”
The straw man smiled. “Call me Worzel,”
“You’ll wake B.J.”
“Ah, calm down, Frye,”
“You...*hic*...you alright, Elvin? You look a little green...”
“I’ll drink the lot of ya right back t’Ireland! I’m aitch-a-double-arr-eye-...URRRP!”
“He played idly on a flute, and wore a sash around his torso with the word ‘MAYOR’ emblazoned upon it.”
“Thought I’d caught up to you during the French Revolution,” the dark-haired man said idly, leaning against a wall, “...but it was just some guy taking inspiration from your stories. I fought for a while with his band, and the Fox and Pimpernel.”
“...I was travelling with Gulliver at the time. We were charting the ruins of Aperans.”
“Thought for sure he’d retire after that, but instead he heads right into government work.”
“...are you Kevin Sorbo?”
“This is my friend Duncan,”
“Shut up. Hey, how’s Amanda doing? I haven’t seen her since I kept her and Savage from stealing Prospero’s books.”
“The...whatever it was in the chair, apparently not a carpet at all, but still looking like little but a mass of hair clumped together,”
“The one with curlier hair was a little more...eccentricly clad than his dark-suited friend”
“...you actually kissed one of your companions?”
“Well, I told you years ago you should try that with Sarah Jane, didn’t I?”
“Pardon me not offering you a jelly baby, but I’m afraid Puggsley ate the lot when I arrived.”
“I don’t have many details, sir,” Simon admitted, “...but I’ve been told to tell you that Professor Hinkley was the team’s leader.”
“Simon, Prudence, this is my good friend Emma Green. She’s just celebrated her first birthday.”
“Doctor, Vyvyan is fighting with Sigmund,” she told him, annoyed, “...keeps calling him a ‘giant bogie’.”
“Small wonder the Minbari have a bounty on his head.”
Back to THE LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY HEROES.
Philip Gerard was the relentless lawman pursuing Doctor Richard Kimble in THE FUGITIVE. Mike Nelson was the scuba-diving hero of SEA HUNT. Carl (nee Karel) Kolchak was the intrepid investigative reporter who often ran afoul of the supernatural on KOLCHAK THE NIGHT STALKER. Samantha Stevens, mentioned last chapter, was the witch star of BEWITCHED. Sister Bertrille was THE FLYING NUN. The name Anna was never given to her in the series (it's been pointed out to me by several readers that her given name in the series was Elsie Ethington....or possibly Francine. Why she might be calling herself Anna in the LOEH-verse is as yet unknown).
Gloria Dinallo was a troubled girl who possessed powerful telekinetic ability, and was recruited by the Humanidyne project to become one of the MISFITS OF SCIENCE.
Mentioned in the prologue, Johnny Bukowski was another Misfit.
Steve Austin is, of course, THE SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN. Mark Harris is THE MAN FROM ATLANTIS. Michael Knight is one half of the man/machine combo that powered KNIGHT RIDER. Not sure who ‘Andrea’ is at this time.
“Intriguing as that proposition is, Maxwell, no thank you. Call me jaded, but I have never been as impressed with everyone else at the prospect of a talking automobile.”
This would be the Foundation for Law and Government, aka FLAG, the group responsible first for KNIGHT RIDER and, later, TEAM KNIGHT RIDER. All involved human operatives teamed up with superpowerful talking vehicles.
Collins’ secretary, also referred to as Miss Welles, is Tiffany Welles of CHARLIE’S ANGELS.
Darrien Fawkes was a thief who was facing a life sentence. To avoid this fate, he agreed to an experiment run by his scientist brother, to implant a manmade gland into his brain. The gland secretes the light-bending substance Quicksilver, allowing Darrien to disappear at will. He reluctantly joined a mysterious government group as their agent on THE INVISIBLE MAN.
Simon Donovan was a secret service agent on THE WEST WING, apparently killed in the line of duty during a robbery.
IMF is the Impossible Missions Force of MISSION:IMPOSSSIBLE.
Tom Gage is the head of the CIA in the series THE AGENCY.
SD-6 is a rogue group posing as CIA for their own nefarious purposes (as I understand it). Efforts are underway to rectify the situation on ALIAS.
Prue Halliwell was one of three sisters who inherited magical abilities and became witches on CHARMED. Collectively they are nearly unbeatable, a mystic coven known as the Charmed Ones. Prue was apparently killed by a demon at the end of the third season.
Donovan was assigned to protect press secretary CJ Cregg on WEST WING, who sarcastically nicknamed him Agent Sunshine.
The Source is a creature of force of great evil power on CHARMED, who was constantly warring with Prue and her sisters. It’s unknown what deal Prue has made with it in LOEH.
It would seem that, in the LOEH-verse, Donovan’s ‘death’ was staged to free him up for more covert work.
Donovan took care of a young man through the Big Brother program. And he also seemed to be developing feelings for his protectee Ms.Cregg .
Chrysalis was a rival organization involved in scientific experimentation who would often battle with Darien and his teammates on THE INVISIBLE MAN.
The ‘Fatman’, as Darien calls him, is the mysterious individual who gave him his orders on THE INVISIBLE MAN, only ever known as ‘the official’. Bobby Hobbes was his partner in the field. Keep, or The Keeper, was the team’s resident brain and medic who regulated Darien’s counteragent shots (more on that in a few lines). Alex Monroe was a later addition, a superspy who had a private vendetta against Chrysalis.
Control is the spy organization of GET SMART. Echo, the Emergency Counter Hostilities Organization, was a group devoted to containing rogue cold war agents on SPY GAME. DXS is the Department of External Services, already mentioned in previous chapters as employing MacGYVER. The United Network Command for Law and Enforcement, or UNCLE, was another spy group on THE MAN FROM U.N.C.L.E. (And it’s follow-up, THE GIRL FROM U.N.C.L.E.). On THE INVISIBLE MAN, Darien’s branch was only referred to as ‘the Agency’, posing outwardly as the department of Fish and Game.
Darien blanched, unconsciously grabbing his tattooed wrist, wondering how this grinning ghoul had known. He hadn’t told anyone...not yet. Not until he could figure out what it meant. He knew what used to mean, of course. Quicksilver poisoning. Disorientation, madness, death. It wasn’t supposed to happen anymore. He was supposed to be cured.
The gland implanted into Darien’s brain had a flaw, specifically engineered by saboteurs. The Quicksilver would slowly erode the users higher brain functions, causing madness and death. A tattoo on Darien’s wrist would begin shifting from green to red as the Quicksilver levels in his body increased. At a certain stage, the Keeper would inject him with a counteragent that would ‘reset’ him, so to speak. At series’ end, however, Darien had been given a supposedly permanent cure for the problem, negating the need for further injections.
The real name of The Keeper.
Darien tried working with the bureau in one episode, but had problems when they refused to believe the existence of the organization Chrysalis. Evidently, information-sharing was a problem between agencies at that time.
This was a phrase often used by bus driver Ralph Kramden on THE HONEYMOONERS as a comical addition to his constant threats to physically abuse his wife. Ahh, the good old days.
Stringfellow Hawke was the daring pilot of the high-tech helicopter AIRWOLF.
“Portals are bad for you, Mister Fawkes,”
Portals are mass teleport devices from EARTH: FINAL CONFLICT, constructed by the alien Taelons. Many believe they are used for nefarious purposes.
ENTERPRISE is, of course, the name of the ubiquitous starship from STAR TREK, STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION, and the show of the same name, and it has many historical, real-life precedents of that name as well.
Not exactly stolen, but accidentally misappropriated by bumbling workers Barney and Junior, who pressed ‘launch’ instead of lunch at break time. They went on to become the FAR OUT SPACE NUTS.
Such an explosion did occur, sending the Moon hurtling through space with all it’s inhabitants, in SPACE: 1999.
Gary Hobson is a Chicago man who gets tomorrow’s newspaper today, on EARLY EDITION. He uses the paper to try and avert the disasters and tragedies he reads about. Evidently, in the LOEH-verse, he helped prevent the events of SPACE: 1999.
Eve Edison is the police robot of the series MANN AND MACHINE, set in the ‘early 21st century’.
Probably the vapid Kelly Bundy of MARRIED...WITH CHILDREN, who once starred in a series of TV commercials as ‘The Verminator’.
Vicky (or VICI, Voice Input Child Identicant) was a miniature girl-robot built by engineer Ted Lawson on SMALL WONDER. She had a second, mischievous personality that would surface from time to time, called Vanessa. (it has been pointed out that this is a glaring error on my part, and Vanessa was in fact a completely different robot. I'm sure there's a perfectly logical explanation, however)
Rhoda is the bombshell robot, constructed by NASA, who works as secretary to the base psychiatrist in an attempt to properly assimilate into human culture on MY LIVING DOLL.
“Oh, Billy!”
Billy Cranston was one of the original five teenagers chosen by the alien Zordon to receive the ability to Morph into a superpowered armoured form and protect the town of Angel Grove from extradimensional threats on MIGHTY MORPHIN POWER RANGERS. Though posessing no powers himself, Billy was an accomplished athlete and fighter, and displayed a fantastic aptitude for invention.
Gregory Yoyonovich was an experimental police robot teamed with a human on HOLMES AND YOYO.
“Fembots,” she said, annoyed, “...no class at all.”
Probably the title characters from the Bionic Woman episode FEMBOTS OF LAS VEGAS.
Hymie was a robot who worked for spy organization Control on GET SMART. The sick friend is likely Maxwell Smart, reported as wounded in the prologue.
Rhoda’s official designation was AF (Air Force) 709.
Perhaps the head of the alien ‘bionic bigfoot’ who appeared in several episodes of THE SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN.
April is a robot created to be a perfect girlfriend by high school student Warren Meers on the I WAS MADE TO LOVE YOU episode of BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER. She ‘died’ at the end of the episode but has apparently ben recovered and reactivated in LOEH.
After contracting a rare disease that made him age rapidly, Billy was brought by an Alien Ranger team to the watery planet of Aquitar, where his condition could be treated. He then opted to remain there with his newfound paramour, Cestria. His return to Earth was never recounted in the show.
This is actually Buffy-Bot, a robot built by April’s creator at the request of lovestruck vampire Spike, in BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER. A duplicate of the real thing, the overly-perky Buffybot is originally created as a love toy for Spike, but later reprogrammed as an actual Slayer when the real Buffy ‘dies’. She is eventually destroyed but, like April, seems to have been salvaged by Refuge scientists.
The Machine Empire were alien robotic conquerors who tried to take over the Earth from their Lunar base of operations on POWER RANGERS ZEO. They were eventually destroyed.
POPS (I don’t know what this stands for, if anything) was a robot that, along with several young scientists, crash landed on the remote MYSTERY ISLAND, where they were hunted by nefarious Doctor Strange. Mystery Island was a segment on the SKATEBIRDS program.
Lord Zedd was another longtime (and moonbased) antagonist of the Power Rangers.
An improvement over previous Invisible Men, Darien has the ability to share his transparency by secreting Quicksilver to other people or objects. Thus allowing him to turn invisible without the whole ‘stripping naked’ bit.
Likely Saffron ‘Saffy’ Monsoon, the bright but put-upon daughter of a free-spirited London fashion guru in ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS.
One of the stalwarts of Moonbase Alpha from SPACE: 1999.
Commander Ransom is the man in charge of MOONBASE 3, at least until he dies in a crash in 2003 and is replaced.
George Bailey is better known as ‘Creegan’, after he has himself put into cryogenic suspension and reawakens in the far future, when robotic creatures of his invention have driven humanity underground. All this is documented in the series CLEOPATRA 2525.
E.A.R.T.H.force (Earth Alert Research Tactical Headquarters) was a special group assembled to protect the environment and prevent ecological disasters on the series of the same name. George Bailey’s robots (known only as Baileys themselves) were originally built as environmental cleansers, so George’s push for a transfer there makes sense.
Blush is the women’s magazine that is the subject of JUST SHOOT ME.
As mentioned previously, Harmony is the setting of the semi-mystical soaper PASSIONS.
That earned a derisive snort. “I was depressed,” Prue replied, “...not suicidal.
Sunnydale is the magical (and extremely dangerous) setting of BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER.
1313 Mockingbird is the home address of THE MUNSTERS.
Picard is the family name of the winemakers whose later descendant will become the hero of STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION
This could be either the Munster, or the Addams Family car.
Prue stared for a moment at what seemed to be exactly that, settled awkwardly in the front lawn
Likely the TARDIS, the space/time travelling device belonging to DOCTOR WHO.
This is Lurch, the butler of THE ADDAMS FAMILY.
Lillian is the matriarch of THE MUNSTERS.
Eddie Munster is the youngest of the Munster clan, and a werewolf.
Being a werewolf, the lake Eddie is at is probably WOLF LAKE. Randi may be Randi Wallace, the title character of SHE-WOLF OF LONDON.
If he’s at the lake, this is likely Tommy Dawkins, the BIG WOLF ON CAMPUS. Why he’s in the papers at this time is not yet known.
Jonathon Chase is the shape-shifting star of MANIMAL, about an English gentleman who possesses the ability to transform physically into different animals.
Spot is the dragon who lives beneath the Munster staircase.
Wednesday is the gloomy daughter of THE ADDAMS FAMILY.
Puggsely Addams is Wednesday’s brother, and has apparently not kept himself in shape as he grew up.
Sarah, as will be revealed later in this story, is the daughter of Rick and Amanda Tucker of TUCKERS WITCH.
“COOOO-KIEEEEEEE!!”
The startling Cookie Monster of SESAME STREET fame, this single-minded creature delights in devouring cookies and nothing else.
Granny is Granmama of ADDAMS fame. Grizelda is the castle cook from the children’s series HILARIOUS HOUSE OF FRIGHTENSTEIN.
Having inherited her magical abilities from her mother Samantha, TABITHA is a powerful witch in her own right.
This is Sally Barton, the ESP wielding star of THE GIRL WITH SOMETHING EXTRA.
McKenzie, Brackman, Kelsey, Markowitz and Morales was the last known incarnation of the law firm from LA LAW. When and how man-hungry ALLY McBEAL became a senior partner is unknown.
Amanda Tucker is the magical namesake of TUCKERS WITCH, about a husband and wife investigative team.
Morticia is the Mother of THE ADDAMS FAMILY, and from Prue’s description, aging quite well.
Marilyn is the ‘normal’ member of the Munster family, cursed with blonde hair, blue eyes and a killer figure. They feel sorry for her.
The telepathic Sally is able to read people’s minds.
Tabitha’s mother is Samantha Stevens of BEWITCHED, already revealed as a previous League member.
As mentioned, Marilyn and her family believe her to be quite unattractive, by Munster standards.
Herman is the Frankensteinian head of the MUNSTERS household. The elderly man is Grampa, the ancient vampire who is Lillian’s father, and may in fact be Count Dracula.
“Now, Grampa,” Herman said in an entirely different voice than Simon had envisioned, “...you know he likes to be called ‘Angel’ now.”
Liam, aka ANGEL, is the vampire cursed with a human soul on the show of the same name.
Lucien Lacroix is an ancient vampire from FOREVER KNIGHT.
Possibly the numerically obsessed ‘Count’, also from SESAME STREET.
Might be a reference to Janos Skorzeny, a vampire who ravaged Europe for a century before being brought down by Carl Kolchak on THE NIGHT STALKER.
The vampiric head of THE HILARIOUS HOUSE OF FRIGHTENSTEIN, the Count lives in exile from his beloved Transylvania until he can make his patchwork creature named Brucie come to life. All his attempts have met with utter failure.
Mansbridge Manor is a school where vampires are trained to be tame and fit in with the waking world, or at least that’s the idea, on VAMPIRE HIGH.
Gomez Addams of THE ADDAMS FAMILY.
Elvira is the buxom horror hostess of ELVIRA’S MOVIE MACABRE.
The Brujah are one of the Vampire clans of KINDRED: THE EMBRACED.
The creatures are most likely the aquatic beasts from SIGMUND AND THE SEA MONSTERS. The alligators may be the grown up pets belonging to Eddie Munster.
The two genies are Mongo of MAGIC MONGO, and Jeannie of I DREAM OF JEANNIE. Each possesses apparently limitless magical power.
The scarecrow is WORZEL GUMMIDGE.
BJ is one of three teenagers reduced in size after crash landing on the island of DOCTOR SHRINKER. It seems she never returned to her normal height.
Chip Frye, one half of investigative team SMALL & FRYE, Frye would uncontrollably shrink down from time to time.
Doctor Elvin Lincoln was one of the MISFITS OF SCIENCE who could shrink himself down.
The hard-drinking Irish leprechaun is HARRIGAN, and was unsuccessfully trying to sing his theme song.
Years ago, young Jimmy and his magic flute were cast to sea by a witch, but rescued by the dragonian HR PUFNSTUF, Mayor of the aptly-named Living Island (where everything is alive). When Jimmy succeeded, or deposed, Pufnstuf as Mayor is unknown.
One episode of HERCULES: THE LEGENDARY JOURNEYS, ‘Les Contemptibles’, featured a group of French revolutionaries who used tales of the great warrior as inspiration. They fought with a woman calling herself the Chartreuse Fox, obviously inspired herself by the more famous Scarlet Pimpernel.
Lemuel Gulliver is the famed adventurer of GULLIVERS TRAVELS. Aperans is the Dragon-shaped continent where WIZARDS AND WARRIORS took place.
It must have been here when Gulliver formed his League, teaming up himself with the Scarlet Pimpernel, among others (see the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen...the comic, not the movie).
“Uhh...”
Another episode of H:TLJ, ‘Yes Virginia, there is a Hercules’, established that actor Kevin Sorbo is, in reality, the real Hercules, alive and well and posing as a human. Hercules doubtless assumes all the partygoers are familiar with this fact, and is thrown by being identified as ‘Kevin Sorbo’ here.
Duncan MacCleod is the HIGHLANDER, an immortal engaging in constant war against others like himself. He is approximately 410 years old.
Amanda is Duncan’s fellow immortal and an unrepentant thief, star of HIGHLANDER: THE RAVEN. ‘Savage’ might be 17th century pirate and namesake of THE 100 LIVES OF BLACK JACK SAVAGE. As a ghost in modern times, Savage teams up with a wall street criminal seeking redemption to try and make amends for his ruthless life.
Prospero is the wizard of Shakespeare’s THE TEMPEST, and leader of that era’s League.
This has to be cousin It, the incomprehensible and hairy member of THE ADDAMS FAMILY.
This is the most recent incarnation of DOCTOR WHO, as seen in the tv-movie of the same name.
The normally quite unromantic Doctor did indeed kiss Doctor Grace Holloway in the aforementioned tv-movie, quite uncharacteristically.
Sarah Jane Smith was one of Doctor Who’s most popular ‘companions’, individuals who accompany him on his journeys through time.
Jelly Babies are the Doctor’s favourite little treat, sort of like gummy bears.
‘Professor’ Roy Hinkley was one of seven castaways stranded for years on a remote island in the South Pacific, nicknamed GILLIGAN’S ISLAND after the wrecked ship’s hapless first mate.
Emma is the grown daughter of Rachel Green and Ross Gellar on FRIENDS. At the time this story is set, she would just have been born.
Vyvyan is the raving punk lunatic quarter of THE YOUNG ONES. Sigmund is one of the previously mentioned sea monsters, and does indeed resemble a large glob of snot.
The Minbari are one of several alien races in contact with the futuristic space station BABYLON 5. How the Doctor came into contact with them, or what Vyvyan did to warrant their ire, is as yet unknown.